Motivation: Illusive but Always Present

The new year has begun. In fact, it worked tirelessly for 365 days to finally accomplish its goal to change from 2022 to 2023. While you grasp that table, trying not to fall from your astonishment, you can almost hear the year asking, “What have you done the past 365 days? What will you do this year?” And so the same yearly flurry of questions begins. Is this finally the year I… [insert your (un)realistic ambitions, habits, and tasks]?

Jokes aside, a new year presents a blank page for life and more possibilities than we can imagine. Did you take the time to set some goals and intentions?

Before you answer, let me ask you this…is it even important and practical for us to do so?

Simply, what is the best method to achieve our goals in 2023?

The amount of information written on this topic is quite extensive, with the same themes often repeating. We hear the terms routine and discipline, which, while making us feel like we are investing in developing ourselves, could be more simplified and meaningful with further direction. So, let’s dive deeper into where the change and the important questions reside. Together, we’ll view some real-world scenarios and learn about the biology and psychology of change. Then I’ll leave you with a list of insights I have found to promote and sustain motivation for change.

We set goals and intentions, yet we often struggle to get them going. We then watch our goals reach the same fate as a lit sparkler stick on New Year’s Eve: exciting to watch at the start but left wondering when we will find our next spark. As our spark of goals is extinguished, we fail to witness the fireworks. As a result, we never start our habits.

We often hear, “it’s the little things in life that matter.” Well, we can extend this to “it’s the little things in life that thrive from routine.”   motivation are examples of simple daily actions that require and build from routine. Making our bed, exercising (and maintaining the discipline to do so), regulating our sleep cycle, and all those other things you might tell your friends and children when you feel like an influencer of motivation are simple daily actions that require and build from routine.

How do we become motivated to get things accomplished? 

People that play team sports or are in the military will do things because they must and because someone else is forcing them to. Lately, I have noticed how much of our lives are spent in the pursuit of wanting to do something. We long for something so much that we don’t move into action.

What’s the struggle in making this transition? And, how can we effectively and realistically transition into action?

Ultimately, we all want to motivate ourselves towards more positive action without having the disappointment of another failed attempt from the lingering aftertaste of our efforts.

Let’s consider some typical examples to uncover the answers to the questions posed.

 •There’s a task I know I want to do (or maybe I feel I should), but I keep putting it off. Something about it brings me uncertainty, which makes it uncomfortable, so I continue to put it off repeatedly. Then, when I finally do it, it’s way easier than I feared it would be, and I wonder what took me so long.

•There’s a project I’ve wanted to do for some time, but I keep telling myself it’s not the right time. I’m not ready, or things are too busy. Even when I find more space, I find other reasons not to do it. Although I don’t always like to admit it, I don’t know everything about this project. I will be stepping outside of my comfort zone, which worries me.

• I want to hire a coach or start a program that will give me the support I need. But, I hesitate. I am unsure if I’ll do well enough, be suitable for the program, and do what’s required to get value out of it. So, I stay indecisive and put off committing.

You probably were able to noticed a common theme in all these scenarios. In these instances, uncertainty, the unknown, and fear were holding us back.

This is not to say all fear is bad or created equal. Fear has a place and has been an ingrained part of the human psyche from our inception. Our bodies even have a system oriented around fear and the fear response known as the Sympathetic Nervous System. If biology has crafted a system to exist clearly, the is a function necessary. Fear and the sympathetic response (or “Fight-or-Flight”) gives you that little boost in your muscles when an escaped rabid panda bear is chasing you while you’re walking past the zoo reading this blog on your phone. When fear is excessive or disproportionate to the experience or improperly associated with a person, place, or thing, it becomes maladaptive and needs to be reframed. Fear needs to be appropriate for the context.

Change and looking into future circumstances can indeed cause fear. But, again, this was beneficial to humanity. Change (and its anticipation) requires your body to make systemic adjustments that need energy. Energy is the body's currency and has been programmed into our species to be expensive, valued, and conserved whenever possible. Therefore, your body prefers to keep things the same as its most recent stable state. This is known as homeostasis. Change disrupts homeostasis. This is expensive and so, to prevent interaction with an event which could be an outlier, your body tries to intentionally resist to remove you from the situation. Fear is very effective for this purpose so your brain presses this button. You avoid it, and your body is happy to keep its system.

Fear, to your body, was adaptive here regardless of whether your desires were. However, your body and mind can still change and will do so whenever exposed to consistent stimuli. For example, think of how your body would fare if you had to walk up a flight of stairs every day to get food and water, but your legs never gained muscle. It is beneficial for your body to develop an efficient and energy-sustainable solution for the long term if your environment changes predictably. Then, your body will spend its cash on renovations. In the above example, your body initially fears going up the stairs because food and water used to be five feet from your bed in your mini-fridge. So, you feel fear and anxiety, but you are motivated to eat in your new loft apartment. You overcome this fear and get food which makes your body and mind happy. You've now created a small pathway in your mind to help you get up the stairs.

Flash forward to tomorrow. You still feel anxiety and fear when you need to go up the stairs because your body isn't sure if going up the stairs is a fluke. But now, you feel slightly less anxiety, and the pathways to go up the stairs have now been devoted more energy. Your body builds muscle in your legs to make this process easier, and you no longer have that same fear and sympathetic response. Congratulations! You've earned a break from your biology lesson.

Fear and uncertainty about the unknown keep us from crossing the threshold into action. Yet, ironically, often, the most powerful thing we can do in uncertainty is to step into action. It’s in the realm of doing that we learn anything. The place where the answers lie and the currency is effort.

Now, we’re ready. So, how do we cross from uncertainty, indecision, and avoidance into action? Here’s a list for success I have developed from my clinical and personal experience:

1.      Intention. Set an intention to be in action rather than getting stuck.

2.      Turn towards. Notice the uncertainty and fear in your body as sensations. Can you mindfully be with it when it shows up and bring it love?

3.      Ask what you really want. Is this something you care deeply about? Does this represent something that is meaningful to you? Do you truly want this?

4.      Make the smallest movement. So often, a minor step can get the ball rolling, and we need to remember that.

5.      Find the joy. How can this action feel joyous, wondrous, sacred, and alive for you?

The more we practice this (hint, hint…action), the better we get at it. Not only does being in action feel good, but it also starts to clear up a lot of the “stuckness” of our lives.

If we reflect on our greedy body biology lesson, this makes sense, and we can leverage this knowledge to our advantage when we want to change. Our body likes to reward behaviors that provide it with what it needs to survive and maintain homeostasis. This is why energy-rich foods (especially those sugary delights) make us feel good. Our body will also reward the behavior (walking up a flight of stairs) that got you there.

So imagine you start exercising three days in a row for 30 minutes. This made you feel anxious initially, but by now, your body has created a new bank account and started paying for minor renovations. Your body wants to protect those investments once it makes them too. It wants to protect them even more, when it’s been spending its energy on renovations for longer portions of time. It will start to make you feel pleasure to engage with this activity. Flash forward to 14 days of exercise; now your body wants you to exercise and helps you with the motivation to get there! This only strengthens with time, and once you’ve shown your body that you are here to stay, your repetitive action will become a habit. There is a debate over the exact duration, but generally, it is regarded that 90 days is a benchmark for stable habit formation.

This may sound intimidating. How could you keep up for a strict 90 days when you are afraid to start right now? Fear not! You are human and programmed imperfect. Sometimes you miss a meal (or even several), but your body doesn’t stop making you want to eat. Likewise, when you’re at Day 10 of your workout pact, and you miss a day (or two), your body thinks that something strange has happened, and it doesn’t try to stop investing in your habit. Your body can be patient even if you may not be. So, give yourself a hug.

We've seen all the questions that hit us like a brick once January arrives, and we wonder how this year will be our year of sticky habits and change. But, just like seeing these questions in front of you while reading, this became answered (sorry, but you’re welcome) and easier to get through once you spent more time reading, so too can your habits grow, form, and sustain through repetitive action and time. Remember, you have help in this process. In fact, your most instrumental support figure is already with you, just waiting with all the ingredients needed to make your habit dreams a reality.

Take a small step right now toward that goal you both desire and fear. Who knows? Maybe one day, your body will fear going without it.