Scheduled Grieving: Is It Real and What Are the Benefits?

Grief is an inescapable part of the human experience, as loss and heartbreak are inevitable aspects of life. “Grief’s a crafty little f*cker. It sneaks up on you.”, as is stated in Apple Tv’s, Shrinking. Grief is a natural response to loss, and the grieving process varies from person to person.  One thing that remains uniform to everyone is that they will meet up with grief at some point, and they just have to feel it. There is no way around the emotion; it is going to show its face one way or another and sometimes may even be challenging to recognize. One approach to processing grief popping up across pop culture is “scheduled grieving,” which involves setting aside dedicated time to engage with and process emotions.  

In the latest and final season of HBO’s Succession, we see Logan Roy’s children scramble to hold on to power after his sudden death. Amid the pandemonium, there does not seem to be time to waste grieving, despite the grief popping up in every way imaginable (even for those who pre-grieved). Yet, at one point, we see Shiv, the only Roy daughter, tell her brothers she has an appointment. Viewers then see her sneak off to a conference she had reserved to cry.  She is interrupted by her estranged husband, Tom, to whom she explains that she reserves time throughout the day to be alone and cry. To this, he questions, in slight disbelief, “You’re scheduling your grief?  “

In Apple Tv+’s Shrinking, a show that provides lots of laughs among the central theme of grief, we again see scheduled grieving. In episode 3, “Fifteen Minutes,” we see Paul, a therapist played by Harrison Ford, suggest scheduled grieving. He advises to take 15 minutes during the day, pick a sad piece of music, open yourself up, and just feel your feelings. After the 15 minutes, you pull yourself together and continue your day.

What is Scheduled Grieving?

While Succession and Shrinking are fictional, the concept of setting aside time to express grief is not.  It is a deliberate approach that allows individuals to create a safe and dedicated space for mourning and healing.  By scheduling grief, one acknowledges and respects their emotions while providing structure to navigate through them. The idea behind scheduled grieving is to create designated moments or rituals that allow individuals to express their feelings and work through the grieving process.  It can benefit those who find it challenging to process their grief or feel overwhelmed by their emotions.

What does Scheduled Grieving look like?

·      Setting aside specific time: Individuals intentionally allocate dedicated time periods for grieving. This could look like Paul’s prescribed 15 minutes a day or an entire day of the week, depending on where you are in the grieving process.

·      Creating a ritual or routine: Establishing a structured routine or ritual can help create a sense of predictability and provide a comforting framework for the grieving process. This may involve activities such as journaling, creating art, meditating, visiting a loved one's grave, or listening to sad music, as suggested by Shrinking.

·      Emotional exploration: During the scheduled grieving time, individuals allow themselves to experience and express their emotions related to the loss entirely. They may cry like Shiv, talk about their feelings, or engage in activities that help them process their grief.

·      Honor the loss: Scheduled grieving often includes activities that honor and remember the loss. This can involve creating a memory box, writing letters, or participating in ceremonies or rituals that hold personal significance.

·      Establish boundaries: While scheduled grieving encourages acknowledging and expressing emotions, it also helps individuals establish boundaries. Outside of the designated grieving time, individuals focus on their regular responsibilities (Shiv working to maintain power of the company) and engage in self-care activities to maintain a balance in their lives.

·      Self-reflection: Take time to reflect on your grief journey. This may look like identifying your emotions, triggers, and emerging patterns.  This may best be organized through reviewing and journaling your daily feelings and then reflecting on them.

It's important to note that scheduled grieving is not the only approach to mourning, and everyone grieves differently. Some individuals may find solace in following a structured routine, while others prefer a more organic and spontaneous process. Therefore, It is crucial to find what works best for you or seek support from a mental health professional who can guide you through the grieving process.

What are the benefits of Scheduled Grieving?

·      Emotional Release: Bottling up emotions can harm our mental and physical health. Scheduled grieving provides an outlet for these pent-up emotions, allowing for a cathartic release. It will enable individuals to fully experience and express their grief, leading to a healthier emotional state overall.

·      Structure and Routine: Grief can be intense and overwhelming, leaving individuals feeling lost and disoriented.  Incorporating scheduled grieving into their routine establishes a sense of structure and predictability where there was none.  Individuals know they will have their allocated time to deal with their emotions. Thus, leaving them better able to contain their emotions and focus when needed.  Compartmentalizing in this manner allows individuals to begin to recognize that their mind is in charge of their emotional reactions. With practice, the skill of scheduling grief fosters a sense of confidence that you are not at the mercy of the event that triggered your pain.

·      Validation and normalization: Establishing scheduled grieving acknowledges the importance of grief and validates the emotions associated with loss. It recognizes that grief is a natural and individual process, providing permission for individuals to fully experience and express their feelings without judgment or pressure to "move on.” This validation can be empowering and comforting for those navigating grief.

·      Rituals and remembrance: Scheduled grieving often includes traditions or activities that honor the deceased and facilitate remembrance. These practices can provide a sense of connection, continuation, and meaning. In addition, it allows individuals to express love, gratitude, and memories associated with their loved ones, fostering a sense of healing and connection to that which was lost.

Grief is a deeply personal and complex process that requires time, compassion, and understanding.  Scheduled grieving offers a structured approach to healing, allowing individuals to honor their emotions and navigate their grief healthily and intentionally while continuing with daily life. In addition, scheduled grieving empowers individuals to develop more beneficial coping mechanisms and find connection and support within their grief journeys.  Whether implemented individually or in a group setting, scheduled grieving offers a path toward embracing our emotions and finding healing in the face of loss.