This Valentine’s Day, Embrace Self-Love
When was the last time you told your child they were beautiful, funny, supported, or loved? Even in the midst of life's challenges, there are moments when you look at them and feel that rush of love. Yet, when was the last time you turned that same compassion inward and told yourself that you are beautiful, funny, supported, and loved? For many of us, self-love is an elusive concept that wasn't explicitly taught during our upbringing. While love for others may come naturally, extending that sentiment towards oneself often feels indulgent or unfamiliar.
In a world where love is frequently commodified and reduced to grand gestures on Valentine's Day, it's essential to ponder the true meaning of love and explore why loving ourselves is crucial not only for our well-being but also for the well-being of our children.
Personal experiences have taught me that love, at its purest, is silent and invisible to others. It manifests in purposeful acts during everyday moments, from staying up all night to watch over a loved one to holding back someone's hair during illness. Love is found in mundane tasks like de-icing the car or making a cup of tea and in the ability to repair relationships after disagreements. It's about being there unconditionally and forever. However, in the process of showering love to others, many of us neglect to love ourselves.
Prioritizing self-love is an uphill battle, especially for those who are inherently caring and giving. It often requires permitting ourselves to love who we are and recognizing our inherent worthiness of love. Many struggle with the idea that love should be reserved for others, and this perception is further amplified by societal norms and commercialized celebrations like Valentine's Day.
The journey to self-love doesn't always begin with accepting every part of ourselves. Initially, it's about acknowledging our human right to have emotional, physical, and spiritual needs and fulfilling them. It's about recognizing the good within us, our unique skills, talents, and perspectives, while understanding that perfection is not the goal. Acceptance of imperfections is crucial to self-love as we navigate the complexities of our past, parental influence, worldviews, and societal expectations.
Unfortunately, self-love has sometimes been distorted into another tool for self-criticism. Failing at self-love is not an indication of unworthiness. Many obstacles, including past traumas, societal pressures, and personal insecurities, can hinder our ability to embrace self-love fully. Additionally, negative self-talk, often fueled by comparison and distorted body image, further complicates the journey toward self-acceptance.
So, how can we embark on the journey of self-love and break free from these barriers?
Make Peace with Your Body:
Self-love is not about size; it's about accepting and appreciating how you feel. Challenge the stories and truths you tell yourself, and be curious about your thoughts. Recognize the capacity of your window of tolerance to distress and emotional dysregulation, and develop grounding techniques that work for you.
Avoid Negative Self-Talk:
Treat yourself with the kindness and patience you would offer your child or best friend. Challenge negative thoughts and replace them with positive affirmations. Celebrate your strengths and accomplishments.
Focus on Appreciation:
Appreciate and respect what your body can do without judgment. Engage in activities that make you feel good physically and mentally. Create a list of achievements, both visible to the world and personal victories, and recognize your positive qualities.
Avoid Comparison:
Embrace your uniqueness and recognize your unique qualities. Reject societal norms and standards that don't align with your values. Be authentically yourself, as the world and your loved ones need you to be.
Treat Yourself with Kindness:
Extend the same care and compassion to yourself as you do to others. Acknowledge your worries, celebrate your brilliance, and cheer yourself on. This will gradually reinforce the belief that you deserve love and care.
If the journey towards self-love feels overwhelming, seeking professional support is an act of strength. A therapist can play a vital role in the process of healing and self-discovery. Additionally, for those who find self-love challenging, considering doing it for your child can be a powerful motivator. Children observe and learn from their parents, and by demonstrating self-love, you lay down a blueprint for their self-value and acceptance.
In the words of the Indian poet Kabir, "The river that flows in you also flows in me." It's time to accept ourselves wholly, embracing the magnificent entirety of who we are. Love yourself a little more today, for self-love is the most incredible love affair you'll ever experience. You deserve it.