Envy: What it is, Why We Feel It, and How to Overcome It
Envy is a complex and universal human emotion that has intrigued philosophers, psychologists, and storytellers for centuries. It's that nagging feeling that arises when we see someone else enjoying something we desire – whether it's their success, possessions, or happiness. Envy can be an uncomfortable and sometimes destructive emotion, but understanding it is the first step towards managing and ultimately overcoming it. So, let’s delve into the nature of envy and explore its causes and strategies for conquering this challenging emotion.
What is Envy?
Envy, an unflattering and universally experienced emotion, often leaves us longing for what others possess while harboring resentment towards them. Like other human emotions, envy serves a purpose, functioning as a tool for social comparison that can highlight disparities in social hierarchies. Interestingly, envy can occasionally serve as a motivating force, prompting us to strive for self-improvement and a better life.
Envy is an emotion characterized by a longing for something possessed by another person, coupled with feelings of resentment or discontent due to the perceived inequality. Unlike jealousy, which involves the fear of losing something we already possess, envy centers on coveting what others have, whether it's material wealth, achievements, social status, love, family, or personal qualities. Envy often manifests as a mix of admiration and discomfort, as we both desire what others have and resent them for having it.
At its core, envy is a complex blend of emotions, encompassing feelings of inferiority, inadequacy, and a desire for upward social comparison. Envy can be seen as a means of social comparison, revealing one's relative position among others. It can be a pervasive and deceptive emotion that, if left unexamined, can harm our well-being and relationships. However, we can learn to manage and ultimately overcome envy by understanding its inner workings and root causes.
Why Do We Feel Envy?
Understanding envy's root causes can illuminate why it's such a prevalent emotion. Envy's origins are intertwined with our social, cultural, and biological makeup. There are several key reasons why humans tend to feel envious:
Social Comparison: Envy can often stem from comparing ourselves to others and the dynamics within our personal relationships. From a young age, we may engage in sibling rivalry as we compete for attention, approval, and resources. In a world where success and happiness are frequently showcased, we measure our self-worth against the achievements and possessions of those around us. When we witness someone else achieving something that we aspire to, it emphasizes the gap between our current state and our desired state. Social media, in particular, magnifies this type of comparison as we are bombarded with carefully curated highlight reels of others' lives, which can leave us with FOMO (Fear of Missing Out).
Cultural and Societal Norms: The way we experience envy can be greatly affected by cultural and societal values. Societies that place a high value on competition and material possessions often lead to stronger feelings of envy, while ideals of success, beauty, and achievement can shape our perception of what is worth envying. Additionally, media within a society can further perpetuate these societal ideals and establish standards of success, beauty, and happiness that we may feel pressured to conform to.
Biological Factors: According to research, envy may have a biological connection to the brain's reward system. When we witness others receiving rewards or accomplishing success, our brains may produce neurotransmitters linked to pleasure and desire but also linked to envy if we feel like we're losing out on those rewards. Psychologists, anthropologists, and primatologists have all studied how animals pay close attention to how well they do compared to their peers. In one classic study, Emory University primatologist Frans de Waal and his colleagues found that monkeys refuse to do a task if they feel that other monkeys are getting a bigger reward than they received for the same task.
Consequences of Envy?
While envy is a natural and common emotion, it can have far-reaching consequences if left unchecked. Uncontrolled envy can lead to significant and long-lasting consequences. It can strain relationships by creating resentment and competition, negatively impacting trust and camaraderie. This can make it challenging to maintain healthy connections with others.
Comparing oneself to others with envy can often result in a negative self-image, leading to feelings of inadequacy and decreased self-esteem. This can ultimately affect one's overall mental health. Furthermore, persistent envy can lead to psychological distress, such as anxiety, stress, and depression. Individuals who are consumed by envy may constantly dwell on their perceived shortcomings, resulting in heightened emotional turmoil. Chronic envy can negatively impact well-being by causing us to focus on what we lack, leading to decreased life satisfaction and overshadowing the positive aspects of our lives.
Finally, some people temporarily turn to unhealthy coping methods to ease their feelings of envy. These may involve excessive competition, overconsumption, or even destructive behavior. Although these actions may provide temporary relief, they can harm our long-term well-being. Recognizing and dealing with envy is crucial for maintaining good emotional and mental health, cultivating positive relationships, and leading a more fulfilling and content life.
How to Overcome Envy.
Conquering envy is achievable with self-awareness, self-compassion, and personal growth. Here are strategies to help you manage envy:
It's important to recognize and accept envy as a natural human emotion. Don't be ashamed; instead, acknowledge that you're experiencing it. Remember that envy is just one aspect of your emotional landscape and doesn't define your entire self.
Reflect on specific triggers of envy. Identify patterns to address root causes.
It's important to question the validity of this envy. Do you genuinely desire what they have or feel you should want it because they have it? Take a moment to consider how the object of your envy aligns with your values and aspirations. Ask yourself if obtaining what others have would truly bring you happiness and fulfillment. Don’t we want something more if we can’t obtain it?
One way to improve your mindset is by practicing gratitude. Instead of dwelling on what you don't have, try to focus on what you do have. You can keep a gratitude journal or mentally note the positive aspects of your life. This will help you shift your thinking and avoid feeling envious. Remembering all the good things in your life can help you stay balanced and content.
Consider limiting exposure to people or social media accounts that consistently trigger envy. Unfollow or mute negative accounts and prioritize positivity and personal growth online and offline. Realize that this is just an image/video and that their lives aren’t perfect.
Establish achievable and meaningful goals for yourself. Rather than fixating on others' achievements, use envy as motivation to pursue your own ambitions.
Seeking support from a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can be helpful. Talking about your feelings can provide valuable insights and emotional relief. Sharing your envy with someone you trust offers a fresh perspective, helping you gain clarity.
Develop self-compassion by treating yourself with the same kindness and understanding you would offer a friend. Recognize that everyone experiences moments of envy and imperfection. Avoid harsh self-judgment and practice self-compassion as you navigate challenging emotions.
It can be beneficial to embrace personal growth by using envy as a catalyst for self-improvement. Instead of allowing envy to consume you with resentment, use it as motivation to set and pursue meaningful goals that reflect YOU. Focus your energy on achieving your aspirations and developing yourself.
Envy is a complicated and widespread feeling that emerges from comparing ourselves to others, societal expectations, our beliefs, and our self-esteem. You can liberate yourself from the hold of envy and pave the way for personal development and satisfaction by identifying its triggers and implementing techniques to manage it. It's essential to understand that overcoming envy doesn't mean getting rid of it altogether but rather learning to handle it healthily and constructively. With self-awareness and self-compassion, envy can become a powerful force for positive change in your life.